State of being single not a sickness

Being single isn't the equivalent of being desperate.

I bring this up because some people seem to believe that I wouldbe-no, make that should be-willing to go out with any man rather thannot have a boyfriend.

Worse yet, they take it as a personal insult if I don't follow upon their offers to set me up.

Case in point: A good pal, who herself is unattached, suggestedthat I have lunch with her friend. I wanted to know why she didn'tdate him herself. She mumbled something about him beinggeographically undesirable.

Uh huh.

It's never a good sign when they use that as a reason, 'causefrankly, if the guy is great enough, you'll board an airplane to seehim again.

She told me a little about him-a writer who shared none of myinterests. Then she showed me his picture, which didn't do anythingto help his cause.

So I politely declined her offer.

Imagine my surprise when she tsk-tsk'd me and said, "Oh, Jae.You're not exactly in a position to be picky."

Excuse me? When did I suddenly become a member of the unchosenones?

I realize that no one's going to mistake me for Tyra Banks andthat Keanu Reeves probably won't be knocking on my door any time soonwith an engagement ring (although a girl can always dream). But I'vegot a good career going, my mental health is stable and I'm debt-free.

In some countries, I would be considered a good catch.

But still, her words stung and I convinced myself that maybe shewas right.

So I went out with her friend. He spent most of the mealcomplaining about his ex-girlfriend, his job and why he hated thedairy industry. Halfway through the date, I forced myself toconcentrate on a blister on his face. That was the only way I couldblock out his mind-numbing diatribe.

The whole event reminded me of a high school gym class. There weretwo non-whites in class-me and another Asian boy. Almostautomatically, everyone in class said we should be boyfriend andgirlfriend since we had so much in common. Our common factor? We wereboth Asian.

Likewise, my friend assumed that since her friend and I were bothsingle, we should hook up. When I told her that there wouldn't be asecond date with Writer Guy, she got snippy with me.

I shared this story with another friend of mine who had justbroken up with a long-term boyfriend.

My pal said that a married colleague of hers tried to pair her upwith a man she had met. When my friend declined the offer, sayingthat she wasn't ready to date again, the colleague told her to getover it, and then blamed her for being a snob.

It's a weird world we live in when it's considered better to bewith someone-anyone-than to go home alone.

And it's a sentiment that I am guilty of having myself sometimes.

After a recent breakup, I repeated a line that Chandler said on"Friends" a few seasons ago: "I am going to die alone."

A particularly patient friend took me aside and made a commentthat made me re-think my statement.

"Even Chandler found love," she said. "He's marrying Monica."

So he is.

Jae-Ha Kim is a Sun-Times staff reporter.